Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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