You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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