i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
