i need an iv and a liver transplant
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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