why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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