dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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