Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
