I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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