I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
