Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
