Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
