I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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