are you so shy because you have an std?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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