I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There r osticjed everywhere
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
