we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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