I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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