Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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