woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
