you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
