please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
