i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
