her vagine was all disorganized.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
