Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
