that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I love you. Go after that dick
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
