i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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