Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
