The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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