Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
