I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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