My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
