It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
