they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
