Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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