Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
