I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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