We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
