ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
