dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sarcasm needs its own font
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
