I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
