I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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