The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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