Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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