I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
