True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
