All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize