I CAN MOONWALK!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
