the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
