we made out on top of his cat.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
