Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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