You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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