I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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