Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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