There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
