oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
