Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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