I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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