Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
