so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
