In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
