READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
