I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize