i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
