Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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