i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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