We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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