I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
