We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Couch. On fire.
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