and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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