actually, I'm a sock model
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
