Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
