A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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