what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
